It has been a long time, I did not write or spoke my heart out whereas writing is my biggest strength. At times I do think when we were small we used to write diaries and hide it around when there was no secrets; but now life is all about scary practicalities but we are brave enough to write it so openly.
Though there is not much but the dread of growing up, the life and death scares you. Well, In Pakistan it is winters. obviously the winters are gloomy for me. Closed fans, no noise just an effect of hibernating haunts the inner me.
Yesterday 1.NOV.2018, it was the first winter rain of 2018. I like rain and rain makes me sad as I miss my father the most, in rainy weather. Once when I had him rain had the most pleasant effect on me but now it is all different. Though I Like it, but my eyes utterly get wet and nose red.
Well not the thoughts in writing but I slept really late or can call it morning after the morning prayer I slept. The day was different, I had tea with mum around 4AM and then Wrote some ones research paper just on having a grip of writing. I slept with mum.
The morning was good, calm with rays of clouds and no sun rays. I woke up by the mid day and worked along mum, had a little fight in love with my bro Ahmad and a side by side talk with Ali and Sidra and then I cleaned my room and now leaving behind the cell on charger. Listened to a few old bollywood numbers, missed baba a little more and I thought to write to write the day-out. Where i m not thinking what I am typing but just what my fingers are typing. May be all useless, but wait Nothing is useless in this world.
Though suffering with unemployment these days, as media downsizing is over the globe but I have a optimistic grip.
I am a Happy girl..
About 2 to 3 years back the gist of shab e barat was the happiness to fire crackers ( patakhay), sending dozens of messages to whole contact list . When the neighbors used to shout out loud, I always though I will never leave the things I do now, by the passage of time those activities left me or may be I left them. Prayers and praying for other to the Almighty Allah seems more energetic.. Somewhere between tears and smiles, confused between I will never grow up. I grew up.
# Fatima Hasan Zaidi
Life has become more confused as it was never before. Never I had watery eyes at times of happiness but now I don’t understand how to happy when a part of me is always in search of him.. The memories do not stop having flash backs from the past. I feel him along but I can’t see him, I miss him much.. I am not able to control myself even in crowd all of a sudden the memories makes me burst into tears and nothing can help.
By: Fatima Hasan Zaidi
I knew girl a few months back who was such a lazy, sleepy girly that she used used to sleep all the time. Whenever anyone asked; the answer used to be might be sleeping, she is sleeping, sleeping of course or just about to sleep. But then as her dad passed away everything changed. She lost her dear baba and she was lost in herself. She lost the way she used to sleep, everything changed and all is that she about her baba along the breaths she take. She communicates in the air assuming baba to be with her and listening to her voice and dreadfully even at nights she is unable to sleep. All she does is try to put herself to sleep by calling baba and asking him that Baba
Bohat der ho gai hai, Jia sona chahti hai, Jia ko aak sulaa dein…
Translates: It is too late, Jia wants to sleep coma and put her to sleep.
I miss you a lot baba.
Jia is my pet name..
BY: Fatima Hasan Zaidi