Category Archives: life

Tuesday Thought: “Keep yourself first

Tuesday Thought: “Keep yourself first

Tuesday Thought: “Keep yourself first ūüíē in a society all it takes to keep the surroundings happy but as much you will try to satisfy their needs eventually they will increase and not settle so societal pressure will never come in contact to appreciate you but they will defame you or put a false remark on you in any conversation where there is no need of you being involved. So this teaches us to simply relax and keep yourself first and happy. Society is the second person plural. It creates self healing space and makes you grow more efficiently” – An excerpt from the life of Fatima Hasan Zaidi

Attitudes Change After Having A Baby

Attitudes Change After Having A Baby

Ultimate depression after delivering a baby is that the very close people around you change. You are always asked for ‘How is the baby’ not you. All what is left important is the baby not the one who went into number of pains to fetch out the baby.

The feeling of left out alone, is not worth it!

They do not even understand the fact that this behaviour can lead to serious issues for the mother which can lead to mood disorders or can be contagious to the baby.

All what i am writing is what i m going through and it is not easy. As in every case most pains are catered by mom and when the mother says my baby, the other half remarks as his baby but there are difference in standards. What so ever our society can not ever change. Everyone is hypocrite.

They love objecting and neglecting mothers but all else is pretty fine.

Only a new mother can do well if she is loved the same way when she was a wife.

I Am Writing Because I Have An Urge To

I Am Writing Because I Have An Urge To

So, my last post on the blog was written in November 2018 and since then it is a long time; almost 6 months. It is not that during the period I stopped writing but I could not post in detail over here.

Well, I wanted to jot down a complete wedding scenario and life after it but time runs short. No doubt I will do so but this is just a quick recap of my 6 unwritten months.

By the end of December 2018, I got married (So much to write upon it but some part of it brought tears to me.) Soon after the wedding, lets say exactly 8 days after my wedding got an interview call and job on the spot that made me work 9am Р5pm. Had a short 2 days mini honeymoon sort of thing and then came to know that I am expecting.

This was another twist in life, suffering through morning sickness and what not and most of all at such a moment when you miss your father. It is a completely different story.

What more the job was a 3-month contract got over with the twists and turns because I believe that female boss is the one who does not want you to grow. Still, then I worked a lot for the National Assembly of Pakistan despite people did not like it.

Next, I¬† got employed in Maroof International Hospital, for a month and I left and somehow that’s a story of an unethical doctor to work with ( Will write in detail about it too- disclosing his name too.)

So, now I am at home. Still to say not unemployed. I am working as a freelancer by being at home and writing for a magazine as an Associate Editor and looking after our event management business. Still looking for a full-time job as sitting back home is not my piece of cake.

Life is good, all is well but all in all, I miss my home daily mama, Ahmad and the time I spent there and most of all I miss baba. And then it is Ramazan, the fifth of it after baba’s death so these days are difficult for me. Once away from home, second his absence haunts me more and more but over the night it gets worse. I couldn’t sleep the flashbacks surround me. I keep on reciting the Holy verses but nothing helps and then the pregnancy hormones triggers too. So these days it is a mixture of everything.

I slept so disturbed that I thought to write just because I know writing for the need to relax your muscles is the only cure I can do to myself. The urge to write remains strong.writerfromheart

The Weather Reverted Me To Write!



It has  been a long time, I did not write or  spoke my heart out whereas writing  is my  biggest  strength. At times I do think when we were small we  used to write  diaries and  hide it  around when there was no secrets; but now life is all about scary practicalities but we are brave enough to  write it  so openly.

Though  there is not much but the  dread of  growing up, the life and death scares you. Well, In Pakistan it is winters. obviously the winters are gloomy for  me. Closed fans, no noise just  an effect of hibernating haunts the inner me.

Yesterday 1.NOV.2018, it was the  first winter rain of 2018. I like rain and rain makes me sad as I miss my father the most, in  rainy weather. Once when I had him  rain  had the most pleasant  effect on me but now it is  all different. Though I Like it, but my eyes utterly get wet and nose red.

Well not the thoughts in writing but I slept really  late or can call it morning after the  morning prayer I slept. The day was different, I had tea with  mum around 4AM and then Wrote some ones research paper just on  having a  grip of writing. I slept with mum.

The morning was good, calm with rays of  clouds and  no sun rays. I woke up by the mid day and worked along mum, had  a little fight in love with my  bro Ahmad  and a side by  side  talk with Ali and Sidra and then I cleaned my room and now leaving behind the cell on charger. Listened to a few  old bollywood numbers, missed baba a little more and  I thought to write to  write the day-out. Where i m not thinking  what I am typing  but just  what my  fingers  are typing. May  be all useless, but wait  Nothing is useless  in this world.

Though suffering with unemployment these days, as  media downsizing is over the globe but I have a optimistic grip.

I am a Happy girl..

Being Melancholic!



Being Melancholic is a¬†feeling¬†that each person¬†experience¬†at any rate once in their lives. Since life has its stages there are times when it will make you tragic or even discouraged. There are times in life when one feels down and encounters stuff that makes them hopeless. Much the same as bliss however pity doesn’t keep going forever on the grounds that in the long run the satisfaction will return as life shifts stages. Much the same as it isn’t¬† day or night perpetually or Winter or summer always there is no bliss of bitterness that keeps going forever. Everything takes a break. One feels pitiful in the event that they lose something or somebody valuable to them, or if things don’t go how they imagined them or they come up short at something or something different.

Sadness differs from individual to individual; a touchy individual will probably get tragic in light of the fact that their emotions are effectively harmed however it doesn’t imply that the individuals who are not as delicate won’t ever get pitiful. It is a feeling that can totally change what you look like at your general surroundings. Sadness can make you so negative that you can just spotlight on every one of the negatives around you. A few people don’t need others to try and realize that they are experiencing a harsh stage throughout everyday life and these individuals tend to hold every one of their feelings inside which escalates the sentiment since it is eating that individual from within. But at least I¬† can write to feel better.



I Am Broken


I m not a depressed person, I am  one  fun loving person I never took tensions not even in final exams nor  after  attempting the  whole  paper  like I did not  know what i  wrote in there, and even then when I used to  return  home i  used  to  say  I  attempted it to the  best assuring all I will be scoring  highest where as within it was  always  sure to  me that I was zero.

I loved living care free not  thinking what  will  happen in future. I  clearly thought what will come  will be  tackled well with my father along. My utmost support, who  believed in me. No doubt  mama believe in me the  same  but still deep inside i  feel broken glass pieces in myself which i can not  communicate with any one. Not even to myself all in return I  have is headache and lots of tears.

Later¬† as¬† he passed¬† to the eternity. Life was so unfair, that was the point I realized how¬† difficult it is to live. Having a home is¬† more than¬† a blessing, yet how to¬† make it stand¬† strong is the thing. I¬† know¬† i m writing¬† nonsense but¬† this¬† is the only¬† place I¬† get¬† relaxed after writing. I can’t show¬† my tensed¬† tears and¬† breathing to¬† my mom..

This¬† blog¬† is¬† not¬† as¬† social¬† as I m on¬† facebook so¬† nobody knows¬† what a¬† heartache¬† i¬† go¬† through thinking¬† all the time to work¬† n¬† work¬† more. Small¬† freelance tasks to¬† take in and being¬† an¬† equal¬† support¬† to mummy where as not¬† showing¬† to¬† her I¬† get¬† equally concerned, i know¬† baba you¬† read what i write but my¬† miss¬† you¬† so much.. more than an¬† hour¬† of¬† nonstop¬† tears and¬† blocked¬† nose. Yet staying¬† firm in front of¬† people¬† is¬† so¬† hard. I¬† don’t¬† say¬† I¬† m strong I¬† say I am a joker.. Heart is pounding hard like it¬† is¬† at¬† the¬† moment¬† pumping¬† in¬† my¬† head and I¬† wont¬† be¬† able to¬† write¬† more I guess I¬† m better¬† after writing a bit but¬† still my eyes hurt and I¬† cant communicate¬† what i¬† have¬† inside

The EYELINER Story After Graduation


So, after clearing up 9th semester happily – it is almost a year about this thing.

I learnt so many things after i was no more in NUML.

The most important to me is this one, stated as

Finally I can apply eyeliner on my eyes myself.

Well this is the most creepiest of things to write about at the moment, 5am at night (As yet i m wide awake and have to take good night sleep soon)

But what I do when the cough is not letting me sleep and my brain is wandering around.

So, i was remembering the time I was never able to apply eyeliner to myself. Each time either a cousin, neighbours,


The Eyeliner

classfellow, junior, senior, teachers or even at times any body random in university had to do the honour of applying eyeliner to me.

Where I went through the lovlingly irritating words

  • Yar tumhari ankhy bht choti hy
  • Color hi krna prta hy nzr nhi ata
  • Ankhy na hilao na

As if I did that intentionally :/

Well, I remember while I had an interview travelling through Metro. I asked the lady at metro station who checks you before entrance to apply eyeliner to me..

Well later on even in office I got a friend (water) i call her she used to do that.

But Now finally, I apply the eyeliner on my eyes my self


Nothing much it is just an excerpt from my mind at 5am.


Talent and Skills Cursed by Reference System





Dream big to achieve big in life, all my 16 years of education circled around this phrase; but nobody told me that I m living in a country where degree, qualification, talent, skills and experience does not matter. It is an insignificant little thing cursed by the reference system.

Where ever I go with my resume with massive experience in my relevant subject, where my publications, skills, experience and my hard work is the only reference I have. I m not entertained by the authorities because either they do not trust in themselves and are afraid to see the resume and hire on what their mind says or they do not have the potential to do so.

All they need is a strong living being to be at the back of the one who wants to do something and they fail to understand that the reference won’t be putting in effort in the work but the person who stand firm with a CV.
I wonder if reputed organizations ever change their policies and optimistically hire the graduates on behalf of what they are and not what their sources are.