Happy Birth Day Baba,
I wish to hear the phone ringing for at least on his birth day; calling from somewhere so i can wish him on his day & listen to his voice.. I though too much about you today, looking for you in the air, sensing your fragrance around. Missing you is nothing new, i thought about you yesterday and the day before that too. I think of you in the silence, even utter your name in order to talk to you, when people hurt i long for you..All i have are the pictures full of life.. Though i long for or fresh pictures at every moment.. Each of my achievement is incomplete without you. I look for you in the sky at the brightest shining start at night.. You have left along number of great people yet no one can replace you because nobody else got the childhood i had. Those vary memories so vividly present in my flash back. It is the memories that keep me strong and head up; in front of every living creature, who even say a lot to me directly on the face because they think i m alone and you are not with me, but they are unaware of our bond..
When i was your i had you as protection over head so nobody had the grit to speak over
Now that i am a grown up i have your emotive shadow always around that keeps the satanic thoughts of the people far away from me baba, yet they are non belivers of love.
It is nothing more than a lovely unbreakable bond. May you be happy wherever you are, may you read what i write for you, may you come feel the pain i suffer on the birth days though mine or yours… Lots of Love, Jia
#Fatima Hasan Zaidi
Sometimes the time is so crucial that I want to be alone but at the same time I longs for him, so much that I wander around to search his presence. Though I am so much in love that I loved him, looked at him, senses him and smelled him for about 21 years or so that even today when the excess of missing him continues I easily sense his invisible being around me the caress on the head. I know I am well surrounded by him still I longs to see his presence, listen to his voice and talk to him while saying, look at me only when I am talking. I miss him so much that I never thought that I will go through some the life decisions without talking to you; though I speak to you I wait for you to speak in my ears. I love you
A year back from now, it was a strange night, i was having strange feelings, i felt like God is telling me that I will take away your dad but I pushed away the stupid though not remembering it. but the next day it was true God took him away.
#Fatima Hasan Zaidi
I was sitting calm under a perfectly blended blue sky with a writing pad in my lap,a pen in right hand and as I started to take in and out the oxygen; tears rolled down my cheeks wordlessly then got absorbed in the skin. Well this is a natural process happens with everybody but nobody ever went in its deep detail.
During it in between a secondment millions and millions of thoughts crossed my mind and one of the most heart rendering thought was that I thought I am alone, I was thinking about the stuff and then I wanted to communicate with baba not in the sense as people say that baba listens do me but i wanted to hear his voice talking to me..
Thinking it, the flow of tears increased. Suddenly I heard flip flop of the paper, attention diverted as if the paper of the notepad was trying to speak to me in that moment of silence I Looked at it and began to roll the pen over the page, jotting down my thoughts and as I wrote the feelings; it started to feel better.
Though even then I was unable to hear baba but his voice redeemed in my mind. By turning the page eventually the pen stopped rolling over and the notepad’s page kept blank as if it said, it can not bear the flooding eyes and the love between a father and a daughter as some thoughts stay in head as no one can answer them except the one you are looking for and I am just a page to help you feel better but can’t bring you back your baba.
I was depressed about it and suddenly I found my self lying in baba’s lap where I felt the warmth of vibrant blazing colors as the whole scenario happened between we two. I was happy and instantaneously I opened my eyes to hug him and then got to know, it was a dream.
A beautiful Dream.
By: Fatima Hasan Zaidi