Every year the beginning of the June was so joyful. I had plans of how to surprise him on Father’s Day and after you left the start of the month is so depressing.
I miss him each passing day but at times the desire to touch him, to be wrapped in his arms, head on his chest, his palm on my head, his voice uttering my name is so strong that no other thing and no other being can fulfill his absence.
As the days are passing by, I am encountering success, with each successful moment. I miss him even more. In crowd, in the moments of merrymaking; my eyes wander to and fro just to have your look around. I stop at places I smell your fragrance at.
Every such day, or a month enlisting such days; is a throbbing reminder of his deficiency in my life.
Sometimes the time is so crucial that I want to be alone but at the same time I longs for him, so much that I wander around to search his presence. Though I am so much in love that I loved him, looked at him, senses him and smelled him for about 21 years or so that even today when the excess of missing him continues I easily sense his invisible being around me the caress on the head. I know I am well surrounded by him still I longs to see his presence, listen to his voice and talk to him while saying, look at me only when I am talking. I miss him so much that I never thought that I will go through some the life decisions without talking to you; though I speak to you I wait for you to speak in my ears. I love you
wrote it in Urdu after a year to my father’s death completed about what i felt the night before my father passed away. here is the meaning of it in English. Jia is my nick name
A year back from now, it was a strange night, i was having strange feelings, i felt like God is telling me that I will take away your dad but I pushed away the stupid though not remembering it. but the next day it was true God took him away.
#Fatima Hasan Zaidi